Greetings, all.
It's been a while! I've been doing my best in these last months to savor every minute left in Namibia. Now the time has finally come and my two years of Peace Corps service are nearly finished. Some days, COS (Close of Service aka the end) felt like it couldn't come soon enough; others, I have spent truly happy and at ease. I am now in my final week in our village. I depart Oshikulufitu to head to the capital for processing out on Sunday. I'll be in Windhoek for a few more days before beginning my whirlwind two months of travels before my eventual return to the States.
Now, back to the title of my post. A question I've been getting a lot lately (from fellow PCVs, friends back home, and family alike) is some variation of "So how are you feeling about coming/going home?" Whoo. That's a big question. My tl;dr version is "All the feels." But as my blog readers well know by now, I'm longwinded. So, I'm here to give you the long version.
To be honest, the first thing that comes in my mind when someone asks me how I feel about coming home is that I already am home. Leaving Oshikulufitu will be leaving home. So as for leaving Oshikulufitu... I'm feeling heartbroken. It's really hard for me to wrap my head around leaving home for good and not knowing if/when I'm ever coming back. And knowing for sure that it'll never feel the same even if I do. When I left the USA to come to Namibia, it was so tough, but yet I knew that I would be back in ~2 years' time. This time around, I can't say the same. At the same time, life in Namibia has some real challenges– including the 10000 degree heat (this may only be slight hyperbole), the near-constant harassment, not having any form of reliable transport, the loneliness, etc.– that I will be thrilled to leave behind. However, overall, it is incredibly sad and difficult to be leaving my home in Oshikulufitu village. I have been welcomed into the school and village communities with open arms by learners, colleagues, and families alike. People have gone out of their way on dozens and dozens of occasions to help me out, take care of me, and look out for me. I will sorely miss the warm-hearted, loving community here in our village. (I'm not crying, you're crying! Ok, fine, it's me.)
On a different side of the coin, I am so excited to be geographically close(r) to so many of my cherished friends and family members back in the States. As I write this, I'm picturing sitting in my parents' living room on the couches around the fire with loads of family and friends, feeling the love between us all. Now I'm picturing sitting around tables in a bar chatting with friends. I can't wait to catch up with and be around some of the most important people in my life. At the same time, I'm also nervous about reverse culture shock and how reintegrating into American life will go. I've been told not to go to Costco for a while after I get back! Apparently it can be a pretty overwhelming process for the majority of PCVs... I know from my own experience that returning home after Barcelona was a really tough process because Barcelona had also become my home. I know that time will fix all, but am nonetheless a bit anxious about that process.
And AGAIN, I'm also feeling really excited about traveling for two months after I COS in Namibia. I'll be traveling to Mozambique, Malawi, South Africa (Cape Town), London, Paris, Spain (Barcelona, Orihuela, Galicia), Portugal, London (again), Prague, and finally.... Chicago! I'm so excited to do a bit more traveling within Southern Africa and explore cultural differences between Namibia and Moz/Malawi. I'm ecstatic to see so many loved ones in Europe (Andrew & Jo, Emily, Diana, Alison, Pili, Maria & the whole Sanchez family, and maybe a few more along the way!). But, I'm also a bit apprehensive about 2 whole months of traveling and living out of a backpack. I've never traveled for anywhere near that long before! But I guess somehow I'll manage ;)
So, yeah, now you know exactly what I mean by "all the feels." It really is a crazy mess of emotions. Notice that I didn't even begin to touch on job hunting and such back in America... I'm calling that a future problem. Too much to think about now! Friday is my last day with my learners and my colleagues. I'm going to be such a mess. I'm so lucky to have loved and been loved in return by so many wonderful people in Namibia.
I'll leave you with a few pictures of my learners and I... they've been requesting photos all week.
It's been a while! I've been doing my best in these last months to savor every minute left in Namibia. Now the time has finally come and my two years of Peace Corps service are nearly finished. Some days, COS (Close of Service aka the end) felt like it couldn't come soon enough; others, I have spent truly happy and at ease. I am now in my final week in our village. I depart Oshikulufitu to head to the capital for processing out on Sunday. I'll be in Windhoek for a few more days before beginning my whirlwind two months of travels before my eventual return to the States.
Now, back to the title of my post. A question I've been getting a lot lately (from fellow PCVs, friends back home, and family alike) is some variation of "So how are you feeling about coming/going home?" Whoo. That's a big question. My tl;dr version is "All the feels." But as my blog readers well know by now, I'm longwinded. So, I'm here to give you the long version.
To be honest, the first thing that comes in my mind when someone asks me how I feel about coming home is that I already am home. Leaving Oshikulufitu will be leaving home. So as for leaving Oshikulufitu... I'm feeling heartbroken. It's really hard for me to wrap my head around leaving home for good and not knowing if/when I'm ever coming back. And knowing for sure that it'll never feel the same even if I do. When I left the USA to come to Namibia, it was so tough, but yet I knew that I would be back in ~2 years' time. This time around, I can't say the same. At the same time, life in Namibia has some real challenges– including the 10000 degree heat (this may only be slight hyperbole), the near-constant harassment, not having any form of reliable transport, the loneliness, etc.– that I will be thrilled to leave behind. However, overall, it is incredibly sad and difficult to be leaving my home in Oshikulufitu village. I have been welcomed into the school and village communities with open arms by learners, colleagues, and families alike. People have gone out of their way on dozens and dozens of occasions to help me out, take care of me, and look out for me. I will sorely miss the warm-hearted, loving community here in our village. (I'm not crying, you're crying! Ok, fine, it's me.)
On a different side of the coin, I am so excited to be geographically close(r) to so many of my cherished friends and family members back in the States. As I write this, I'm picturing sitting in my parents' living room on the couches around the fire with loads of family and friends, feeling the love between us all. Now I'm picturing sitting around tables in a bar chatting with friends. I can't wait to catch up with and be around some of the most important people in my life. At the same time, I'm also nervous about reverse culture shock and how reintegrating into American life will go. I've been told not to go to Costco for a while after I get back! Apparently it can be a pretty overwhelming process for the majority of PCVs... I know from my own experience that returning home after Barcelona was a really tough process because Barcelona had also become my home. I know that time will fix all, but am nonetheless a bit anxious about that process.
And AGAIN, I'm also feeling really excited about traveling for two months after I COS in Namibia. I'll be traveling to Mozambique, Malawi, South Africa (Cape Town), London, Paris, Spain (Barcelona, Orihuela, Galicia), Portugal, London (again), Prague, and finally.... Chicago! I'm so excited to do a bit more traveling within Southern Africa and explore cultural differences between Namibia and Moz/Malawi. I'm ecstatic to see so many loved ones in Europe (Andrew & Jo, Emily, Diana, Alison, Pili, Maria & the whole Sanchez family, and maybe a few more along the way!). But, I'm also a bit apprehensive about 2 whole months of traveling and living out of a backpack. I've never traveled for anywhere near that long before! But I guess somehow I'll manage ;)
So, yeah, now you know exactly what I mean by "all the feels." It really is a crazy mess of emotions. Notice that I didn't even begin to touch on job hunting and such back in America... I'm calling that a future problem. Too much to think about now! Friday is my last day with my learners and my colleagues. I'm going to be such a mess. I'm so lucky to have loved and been loved in return by so many wonderful people in Namibia.
I'll leave you with a few pictures of my learners and I... they've been requesting photos all week.
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